Separation and Growth
by Bleach-ed-Na-tsu
Summary: Tsuna knows what's best for himself and his family, it's something that he's been growing into over the years. So when he turns eighteen he knows he and his guardians must leave Japan for Italy, to grow and become the Family they want to become; not what is being forced upon them. But doing so leaves behind the young that they all raised and made big impressions on. Multi-shot.


**I know this isn't one of my series and I promise they're coming, but I'm traveling right now so my notes are all over the shop, so things like Differences and especially ENOIS are basically impossible to write. But I have been planning them AND I promise you'll get them soon, when things settle the f down.**

**So please enjoy this very emotional, and very personal piece that comes about from recent and ongoing experience I have.**

* * *

**Summary:** Tsuna knows what's best for himself and his family, it's something that he's been growing into over the years. So when he turns eighteen he knows he and his guardians must leave Japan for Italy, to grow and become the Family they want to become; not what is being forced upon them. But doing so leaves behind the young that they all raised and made big impressions on. Multi-shot about family love, growth, and hardship. Grownup!Guardians.

Separation and Growth.

* * *

Planes were always this weird mix of drowsiness, nausea, and excitement. No matter how many or few times he had flown in one, and no matter for how long, Tsuna always ended up jittery by the time the pilot announced their imminent landing. He figured it might be his hyper intuition acting up, because he couldn't no matter what happened, help himself if something went wrong with the plane.

Which was why, as he stretched his legs in the customs line, Tsuna was ever so glad to be out of the flying tube of metal, even if it was only for eight days; where at the end of said days he would be back on the stupid machine and flying back to Italy for another non-disclosed amount of time.

Oh well, Tsuna had a nice vacation to look forward to in Okinawa with his Mother, I-pin, Fuuta, and Lambo. It had been a long year away from the family, and thought all his friends were in Italy with him, Tsuna missed home; Japan, his mother, and the siblings who he raised as so much more.

"Good Morning sir, what business do you have in Japan?" Tsuna stepped up to young lady behind the desk when it was his turn and handed over his passport and customs card, she had a political smile and Tsuna returned one.

"Just visiting my family." Tsuna was no longer the shy, stuttering boy who left, though really he hadn't been a shy and stuttering boy long before he left either, he liked putting it on when he was home. But now it was more comfortable stepping into the comfortable confidence.

The kind of confidence that people whispered –with horrified breathes behind his back –was much like Reborn's.

"I see you've been in Italy for the past year, what business did you have in Italy?" smile was still there, but this was her job, be polite but make sure the country was safe.

"I was on educational leave, I am a dual citizen so I thought it a good opportunity to see what Italy is like. I'm on vacation for the next few weeks." Tsuna continued to smile as she went over his Japanese passport, it made little sense to fly on an Italian one when entering Japan, and he had the connections to fly back into Italy with his Italian one with few questions asked; especially since his last name was different on his Italian passport.

Beautiful, smooth sailing. It was one perk he truly enjoyed.

"Well, welcome back to Japan, Mr. Sawada. Please enjoy your visit with family."

Tsuna mused about this on his way to baggage claim. He was visiting his family, but they were more than that, he was a selfish sky –his much loved nickname in the mafia, very confusing really –and each member of _his_ was important to him.

It had been a hard day when he decided to leave, telling his mother wasn't difficult at all, she had been completely thrilled, over the moon, and unfortunately comparing him to his father. Much to Tsuna's displeasure.

* * *

"_Oh my, Tsu-kun is becoming a man. Just like his Papa. I wonder if I should try to call your father, he might want to give you some fatherly advice. Oh I'm so proud of my little Tsu-kun."_

_Nana as usual was chirpy and happy. But Tsuna had to stop her, this was serious and Tsuna needed her to understand that._

"_Mom, please." He explained, almost eighteen and with all the confidence and pride that four years under Reborn and four years of family-like-friendships could muster, "I'm going to Italy, and I don't know when I'll come back. Grandfather has offered me education, but I will work for him afterwards. Which mean I may never come back to live in Japan. I need you to understand that."_

"_But Tsu-kun, it's just like your Papa, oh you're like a sta-"_

"_Mom." Tsuna didn't yell, that never worked, it was too emotional, his voice was closer to HDW. "I will never be like dad. I won't drop contact, or lie to you. I won't abandon the kids either." Tsuna's voice was stern and Nana flickered a little._

_Tsuna learnt of her slightly vicious and vindictive side, part of being a mafia wife; especially a civilian one, most true mafia wives were cruel to outsiders, and whereas mafia wives were sacred and not to be touched, many bosses loved the idea of raping civilian mafia wives. Nana had prepared herself for such an event so she would never be taken advantage of, and had a slight distaste for Tsuna since he decided to follow his father and 'grandfather's' steps._

"_Well you can explain it to the kids then. I won't break their hearts."_

_Tsuna's heart had never felt so constricted. Not even the first torture he'd watched caused him so much pain and nausea. But he wouldn't let his mom see him weak; she didn't need fodder for her distaste in Tsuna's growth._

"_Of course, it's my job to."_

_Tsuna came out of that explanation to the children sobbing, bruised, and broken inside. Not because the children screamed at him, or even when they begged him to let them come. No, it was the silence._

"_Did we do something wrong, Tsu-nii?"_

_Tsuna was heartbroken, he had never thought that the kids would blame themselves. But that was the age gap. Even with Fuuta only five years younger, it was enough that they wouldn't have ever thought of Tuna growing up and, well, leaving._

"_No." Tsuna had been vehement. He had kissed them each on the forehead and cheeks and held them close. "I would never leave because of you. If I could I'd take you with me, if I could I'd make sure you never left me. But I need to do this, and I'm not strong enough to keep you with me, safe and happy."_

"_But with baka-Tsu-nii we are safe and happy!" Lambo screeched, the loudest, as usual._

"_Not enough." Tsuna continued. "I can't protect you yet. I can't give you the life you deserve, yet."_

"_But I want to stay with Tsuna-nii!" Fuuta was quiet, eyes filled with tears, clutching Tsuna, his tome forgotten long ago when Tsuna told them the news._

"_I know, and I want you with me more than you know. I want you with me forever, but I can't. I need to leave this house, and Japan, to grow up. To become a good boss."_

"_But you're already the best brother we could ask for." Lambo's words slapped Tsuna in the face and he was sobbing in the next moment._

"_I love you all. I love you so much it hurts. I love you. But I need to do this, for me and you. You will always have a place in my life no matter who I'm with or what I'm doing in the future. When you're older, and have had the life you deserve you can decide what to do and I'll be proud regardless." Tsuna gulped. "But until then, I have to leave and you have to live."_

"_But we'll miss you." I-pin's quiet sob broke Tsuna's heart, their sniffles and sobs all did._

"_We'll make it work."_

_And they did, Tsuna made sure they did. He bought each one, with money he earned through paperwork and a summer job at a gun-range –courtesy of Colonello actually –he hadn't known even existed just outside Namimori, a notebook with webcam and second hand ipods in exchange for their old ones. He promised if they took care of them he would buy them new ones eventually as gifts for good work in school or other occasions._

_From there they set up emails, face time, skype accounts that Tsuna would have access to until they were older, and other social medias that Tsuna could co-administrate for a few years for their protections, all so that they could contact him whenever they needed._

_He made sure their phones –which they needed when they started school –were equipped with worldwide text and data and that each one knew how to work them._

_Things were normal, ish. He had to explain and re-explain his decision a million times to the children, ending in a sobbing fit for weeks. But they slowly adjusted. Until they started having nightmares, and instead of going to Mama, each one came to him._

_First Fuuta dreamed of a statistic that Tsuna was the 1__st__ boss of them all likely to die before he was twenty –it was raining luckily so it was obviously a nightmare –and Tsuna couldn't turn the sobbing thirteen year old away._

_Fuuta couldn't sleep if he wasn't in Tsuna's bed from then on._

_I-pin was next, she dreamt that Tsuna never called, and never answered her calls, Tsuna had to prove he would for a week, even then she slept with him that night._

_I-pin couldn't sleep deeply without being tucked between Fuuta and Tsuna._

_Lambo was the last one to come to Tsuna sobbing one night, but not form a nightmare as such, simply because he was terrified that Tsuna would throw him out one day when he decided he wanted to be guardian, because no matter Tsuna's insistence to wait to choose, Lambo knew he would always be Tsuna's guardian. Lambo was terrified that Tsuna would grow tired of him, like his father had when he was a boy. Tsuna really couldn't turn him away._

_Lambo never worried about that again, because he slept tucked into Tsuna's side from then on._

_Finally, a few days before he and his friends –bar Hibari because that man couldn't take an order from God –left for Italy, Tsuna sat down and wrote them each a letter, personally from him to them, and put them in an envelope written just for them._

_At the airport the scene was disgusting. Tsuna was sobbing, openly, as he hugged distraught children, his guardians looked just as tormented, not sure whether to help Tsuna or cry themselves. The kids had become siblings even to Mukuro and Chrome by then, the pair visiting Tsuna for hot meals twice a week at the Boss-to-be's insistence. _

_Those on looking at the departures lounge must have thought that it was such a sad scene. Tsuna was dressed up, as were his guardians, in suits and ties, and looked much older than they were._

_They must have thought a father was leaving his children for a while._

_And honestly that is what it felt like._

_Before he left though, eyes red, chest heaving, nose blocked, Tsuna crouched before each mess of a child and kissed their forehead, nose, and cheeks familiarly and pressed their envelope into their hands._

"_I love you so much, remember that. We'll see each other soon."_

* * *

Tsuna hated thinking about their goodbyes, it was disgusting, and painful. Each time the thought burned, his eyes, his chest, and that strange flame that burned in the back of his mind. Vongolas –true Vongola's not the Secondo mutts –were ferociously and irrationally protective of their blood, and in cases like Tsuna, the brood they completely gave themselves over to.

Tsuna looked down at his ipod, the only item other than a gun and his phone that he carried –though the latter were begrudgingly –everywhere with him, day and night.

It was buzzing erratically and Lambo's face in an obnoxious picture from last year was bright on the screen. Smiling to himself Tsuna answered it.

For the first eight months the children couldn't sleep, or eat, or talk, or function without hearing from Tsuna at least once a day, usually before they went to bed, and each time it was a long talk of Tsuna trying to get them to stop crying; more reassurance from him than he ever thought he would need to use.

It hurt so much to know he was the cause of their distress. Each conversation, though he smiled until he call ended, resulted in him locking himself away to cry his heart out. Not one Guardian disturbed him until the next morning where they would assure him that he did the right thing and that they'd adjust.

Tsuna had only missed one message from the children thus far, it was a group chat on skype and it wasn't for lack of trying; Tsuna's ipod had just saved his life and he was in surgery to remove the ipod bits and the bullet from his chest.

Of course it took a lot of grovelling and reassurance when, later that evening, he was assaulted by a skype call via the television in his room from the kids, who were all sobbing and frantic, at both his missed call and apparent bullet wound.

It took a month before the daily calls ended again to the agreed upon once a week. Tsuna didn't mind, he had company throughout physiotherapy and recovery in the presence of the kids watching though a tv or ipod and falling asleep during the appointments, but it was a backtrack, and Tsuna was terrified that he had scarred the children for good.

But things had settled, the kids' ipods had broken and so the facetiming and skype turned to phone calls every few weeks. It hurt Tsuna in a way, to think that they had adjusted so quickly and didn't actually need him as much as he thought, but he also knew that they needed to adjust. He wanted them happy. He could deal with a hole in his heart, he was the sky; he was the sacrifice. But he would never have forgiven himself for wounding and stunting the kids in such a way with his selfish need to be needed.

Which was why he wouldn't let the small pain at their adjustment show. He was happy that they were moved on. The first eight months weren't healthy for the children, no sleep, and little food. He didn't want that. He would prefer their cold shoulder than see them ill because of their relationship with him.

"Lambo, good to see you managed to get your ipod working. What's up?" Tsuna's smile was genuine now as he heaved his bag off the conveyor. He readjusted his backpack and started pushing the suitcase towards the exit and car-rentals. He was going to meet his family the next day when they arrived in Okinawa.

"We just wanted to know if you landed safely." Fuuta cut in, his face had chiselled out, not that Tsuna didn't know, but it was still sad and amazing to see each time. He would be turning fifteen this year, and Tsuna would be twenty. It was terrifying really.

"Oi, don't but in!"

"Lambo, it's alright. I know you're all excited." Tsuna laughed, his belly light with joy, thought he stomped it down. He didn't _want_ them too excited about seeing him. "I arrived safely. The flight was long though. I'm just about to head through the exit and towards car rentals. Are you all packed?"

Except Tsuna didn't get to hear the answer, because as he walked out of the arrival doors, he was assaulted, first with light, and then his name called over and over before a bunch of bodies hit his stomach and almost knocked him over.

For a horrifying moment, Tsuna's mind flashed to the future that shouldn't be, shot down by an enemy he hoped to make an ally of. Tsuna's mind flashed and he almost fell into dying will.

"Welcome home Tsu-nii!" were three calls all bouncing and choking over each other.

Tsuna barely managed to catch Lambo before he was on his knees with all three children sobbing in his arms. His mind far away from that detestable future. Tsuna didn't realise he was crying too until the children were rubbing his face and kissing his cheeks.

"We missed you."

There were chuckles and cheers all around Tsuna as he greeted the children, people making their own scenes, and others surprised by such a western greeting in a little Japanese airport.

"I missed you too." Tsuna laughed through his sobs, kissing each one twice more before he stood to get his bag. "Why are you here? We weren't supposed to meet until tomorrow."

"We just couldn't wait to see, Tsu-kun. So we got an earlier flight to surprise you."

Tsuna blinked up at the woman waiting on the side of the barrier you were _supposed_ to stand on, she was shorter than him, with shoulder-length brown hair a shade or two darker than his own, she had his eyes, and his way of standing; but she was much much older than he remembered her. Haggard eyes, and greying hair. Her face was older and she held herself more delicately than he remembered.

"It's good to see you too, mom." Tsuna greeted politely. He stooped and kissed her cheek and hugged her before turning to get his bag.

Except Fuuta was already walking down towards the doors with it, and Lambo and I-pin had one of his hands in theirs, and Tsuna didn't know what to think. They had aged a lot in the year; not that Tsuna hadn't been aware of that already, but it was saddening to see and hear first-hand. He had always hoped they'd keep their childhood, forever. But this year had been aging on them, all.

"Well, I'm very surprised." Tsuna chuckled as he led them towards the car-rental section of the airport. "It's a good thing I decided against the jaguar in favour of a family car then, heh?"

All the children chorused in laughter as they stepped with him, "You don't like Jaguars, don't make things up, Tsu-nii."

Tsuna was glad that even with a year and thousands of miles, things hadn't really changed too much between him and his siblings.

* * *

The hotel was wonderful when they arrived, bright and open, with hot springs in the back and a lovely little spa for Nana. Of course, Tsuna didn't do things half-assed anymore. He had studied up and watched his budget and he was becoming a boss.

So his famiglia got the best.

They had a private floor with two hot springs just for the five of them, and meals brought to them twice a day. He had planned tours of Okinawa and also a small budget to buy each of the children something nice as congratulations for their school reports that year.

"Alright, Lambo and Fuuta will share my room with me, and I-Pin and mama will get the other room." Tsuna explained as he held the door for them. "So go put your things away nicely and we'll go get some dinner."

The children laughed and cheered, running away to explore the room and their beds. Lambo screamed about the fridge full of candy when he came across it; an order of Tsuna's of course filled with favourites of them all.

"You can each have _one_! I don't want you fussing your dinner."

"Thank you Tsuna-nii!"

Tsuna chuckled as he took his moms bags and brought them to her room, he sighed at the state of I-pin's clothes. Still neater than the ones in his room across the hall from the boys, but it was obvious that she was too excited to be as neat as usual.

Nana watched her boy as he placed her cases on the bed, and quickly arranged I-pin's clothes, not flinching at the underwear and the sudden addition of a sports bra to the little girl's wardrobe, like he would have a few years ago.

"You grew up, Tsu-kun. I almost don't recognize you." She sighed fondly, because she didn't.

She couldn't see herself or even Iemitsu in Tsuna right now past their physical make-up. Even his compassion seemed too much for even her. She saw Reborn and others in Tsuna; people who had entered Tsuna's life only five years ago and had left more of an impression on him than she had.

"I left Japan to grow up, Mom." Tsuna hummed, looking at the dress I-pin had bought for when they went out to dinner for their 'birthdays' since Tsuna wouldn't be there for them. He'd seen it about twelve times over skype, since I-pin was so excited, but it was much nicer in person. So to keep it so nice he hung it in the closet for her. "It would have been a waste of my time, Grandpa's time, Reborn's time, and the children's wellbeing if I didn't grow up some this year." He huffed.

"But still, I never thought it would happen. You still sounded like my useless-Tsuna over the phone." Nana held her cheek as she watched Tsuna, missing the stiffness of his shoulders.

"I'm not Useless anymore, Mother." He explained, pacing to his room, knowing better now than to let her words hurt. "I haven't been for a while." And he _knew_ that to be truth. Five years with friends who were like his brothers and sister had changed him for the better, and good father and mother figures had changed him for the better again.

Tsuna started putting the boys' clothes away and was almost done before three bodies got him in the knees and had him kissing the floor almost instantly.

"Tsuna-nii! The hot springs are just for US?!"

Tsuna laughed and kissed their foreheads. "Yup, I don't do things half-assed, do I?"

"Never!" they laughed, happy for now, and Tsuna felt the knot untie.

* * *

That night, after a wonderful dinner and a quick settle in the springs, everyone was exhausted. They had all had long flights in their own rights, and emotional reunions always left people exhausted.

"Alright, goodnight mom, I-pin we'll see you early for our tour of Okinawa."

The girls nodded, giggling as they went to change, and Tsuna turned to find Fuuta and Lambo dog-piled on their bed as they wrestled over pjs.

"Boys, come on, it's time for sleep."

The reply he got was chuckled but altogether not reluctant. "Alright, Tsuna-nii."

Later that evening, while Tsuna waited for the kids to fall asleep –a habit of his after his guardians didn't adjust to Italy too well –Tsuna suddenly heard the door where his mother and I-pin were sleeping open.

Before he could panic and put a bullet in the skull of anyone who would dare mess with him and his, he recognized I-pin's gait and as if a catalyst, Fuuta and Lambo were moving too.

"Tsuna-nii?" I-pin opened the door, and as she did, both Lambo and Fuuta sat up and looked at him pleadingly.

He sighed through his nose, not sure he should let them do this, but far too pleased they still wanted his cwtches –and the promise of protection they provided –not to.

"Come on, just for one night."

They all snuggled in, close and warm and giggling sleepily.

"Thank you, Tsuna-nii!"

* * *

Except it didn't only last one night, and neither Tsuna, nor Nana had the heart to stop them. Regardless of how much it would probably backtrack them all at the end of the vacation.

* * *

The rest of the vacation was wonderful, the children made friends with some other children in the hotel, and often times ran off to play with them in the public springs under Tsuna's watchful eye.

He was glad, and hurt, because on one hand they weren't _too_ attached to him to lose out on life, on another hand, they weren't worried about leaving him later that week if they could play so freely.

Too bad Tsuna forgot that children didn't have a good grasp on time yet, because he would have saved himself an awful surprise.

The children were well behaved and stayed in line the rest of the week. They played games with Tsuna, and ate politely; they remembered their please's and thank you's, and they helped Nana with various things.

Another reminder that the kids were growing up, and Nana was growing old. It put Tsuna's own growth into perspective, to see people older and younger than him growing older.

It was nice for the first six days, then on the seventh, as if a switch, the children suddenly remembered that Tsuna had to go back to Italy.

The tears started at night, and Tsuna woke up alert when tears hit his skin through his night shirt.

"What's wrong?"

"You're leaving." Were the only sobs that got through for the rest of the night, and Tsuna flailed and fought tears for the rest of the night.

"It'll be okay. You saw me this time right, so you know I won't leave you. I'll arrange for you to visit soon, how about that?"

But the children still sobbed and sobbed. Tsuna was almost at wits end, until around three in the morning the children exhausted themselves and fell asleep.

* * *

Packing was a sorrowful event. Every time Tsuna tried to pack his own bag, or coax the children to pack theirs, he got these big, teary eyes and that choking sound children made when they thought they were hiding the fact that they were crying.

"Come on, we'll see each other soon. I promise. But you need to go back to Japan. School starts soon." Tsuna smiled, and helped them pack, unperturbed that his clothes ended up thrown about the room, wrinkled and in need of pressing each time he turned his back.

It was a very long day, and by the time both parties arrived at the airport to board their flights, Tsuna was emotionally exhausted, angry, and snapping at any given moment. HDW bled into his tone as his emotions ran high and his body acted to balance him again.

The children hadn't let him go, and that just made his temper worse as he snapped at even his mother from trying to separate them from him.

"They're alright, I don't have to board yet!"

Nana looked wounded and Tsuna knew he'd have to write an apology to her later.

Overall it was not a pleasant end to the holiday at all.

"I have to go find my gate now, pups." Tsuna soothed, couching down and letting them stranglehold him. "You do too, if you don't want the plane leaving without you."

"I don't want you to go." Fuuta whimpered.

"I'm going with you!" Lambo roared through a snotty nose.

"I miss you already." Was I-pin's sorrowful whisper.

Tsuna's eyes stung harshly, and he tried not to break under the triplet eyes full of tears. All day he's been assaulted with the tears. On his shoulder. In his back. Snot on his shirt. Tears down his neck. It was a year ago all over again and Tsuna was breaking.

But he had to live by his word, if for no other reason than to pound it into his siblings that things would be okay.

"Oh sweets," He fell back onto his paternal drive as he cuddled all the children –but not really children anymore with the youngest being almost ten – on his lap, none of them worried about the dog-pile style flop. "you know this isn't the end of the world, it'll be like last year."

"But you're going away again!" Lambo sobbed, openly, loudly, brash and full of snot and tears.

"Yes, but you saw me this year right?" They nodded, "And you will see me again, you might come visit me in Italy next time. So chin up loves."

They didn't seem convinced, and Tsuna felt his gut dropping.

He had hoped that they were over this. That they would have gotten used to the year apart. Tsuna had hoped and hated with all his heart that his children –damnit he thought of them as such sometimes –had gotten over him.

He wasn't really their father after all.

So he choked back his tears and swallowed the mucus suddenly in his throat.

"How about we make a weekly face-time session again, huh?" He almost choked eyes flooding. "Like we did before your ipods got old, I'll buy you new ones and get them in your favourite colours."

The children brightened slightly, eyes less puffy, but they clung tight.

"Tuesdays, we'll make it Tuesdays." Tsuna coughed, tears not escaped yet. "On Tuesdays at dinner time we'll facetime again, for as long as you need. And we'll text as much as you want, k?"

The children didn't make a sound, they just threw themselves into his chest, and Tsuna held them tight, kissing their cheeks and lips and heads, holding them each tightly, trying to translate his love for them.

"_**Boarding call for flight EA225, to Milan."**_

Tsuna kissed them each one last time, whispering a quick message to them before hugging his mother quickly –it didn't hurt to leave her even half as much as the kids –and running off to his gate before he was late.

"I love you so much, remember that. We'll see each other soon."

* * *

**So again, this is kinda personal to me, but I had to get it out and it really fit Tsuna and his siblings well. I am really emotional right now, so Imma just slink off here and not expect reviews, eh?**

**Thank you for reading this far, much appreciated.**

**I love you all, have an amazing life and day, and love the family you can.**

**~~Bleach-ed-Na-tsu :3**


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